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Showing posts from July, 2017

She Was There Too

I want to make you a sandwich.  That was my recent thought but now I remember it wasn't my first.  The first thought was eggs benedict.  I want to make you eggs benedict.  and mimosas.  I dont know how to make the eggs benedict exactly but the internet does so that means i do too.  I will bring the things in plastic grocery bags and i will put them on your counter and pull out the things and put them into the refrigerator and i will make Alexa play the music i want.  The sun won't be all the way into the windows yet but there will be sun.  The day will be noisy but I will tell Alexa, "Alexa, volume 8." and then Jim Croce will sing to an operator.

The other night, with heavy, cut-glass in my fist, I ate dinner with my eyes closed.

Happy Birthday To Me

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Today is my birthday but i dont care. I am just sad about it although everything in my drunken body tells me to be happy and embrace my age because if you dont age that means you have died. I am not dead. I am very alive. but still....



My age, when said out loud, is depressing.  But not as depressing as it will sound one year from today...out loud or not.  oh well. like i said...the alternative...

i got two amazing gifts and one lolthisismygift-gift, that i understand why the gift was given but in comparison to the other gifts and who gave them, makes it seem like an lol gift even thought it was a well intentioned gift.  ( i dont keep 'points' for gifts but it's still funny given the other gifts)

gifts
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i've been into this drink the last few weekends.  cucumber vodka with fresh blended up watermelon and lime juice.  too bad watermelon chunks dont really 'catch' in a blender. you sort of have to push them down with a ladle and hit the button.  too bad …

Whale Shark

A Whale Shark is an animal that has a name made up of two very badass animals.  One animal in the name of "Whale Shark" is a whale which is a very large sea animal that swims underwater and breathes the oxygen that is in the water molecules. It looks like a 'behemoth' and if you were swimming underwater and saw one you would shit your wetsuit. However, I think you would have nothing to fear but fear itself because I think it's a 'gentle giant' type of situation. They only eat Krill which is like confetti for fish.  And, personally, i feel/like to think that they have the heart, mind and soul of Lenny from Mice and Men.

The other animal in the name of "whale shark" is shark which is an animal most everyone knows about because of the movie, Jaws.  A shark is an underwater sea animal that swims underwater and also breathes oxygen in water molecules same as the whale does (see above paragraph).  However, unlike the whale, sharks are fucking scary as…

Happy Force of July

I peeled all the heel skin off my foot last night.Haven’t done that for a while. Now it’s hard to walk unless I lift my heel up so it doesn’t touch the floor.It’s like I’m pretending I’m doing the walk of shame with a lost or broken high heel.
I put the peeled heel skin in my mouth and chew on it.I know that sounds gross but it seems the natural thing to do.It’s dark when I do it if that helps at all.The skin is thick, tough and tasteless.I feel satisfaction in breaking it down with my teeth.It’s the ultimate recycling, I think.I chew until it’s sufficiently masticated and then I swallow it.I swallow a strip of skin I peeled from my right heel.
I feel my heel again.I feel it for more rough spots, or spots where skin has already peeled back a bit.I scrape it with my fingernails until a strip appears and then I slowly rip it back.It lengthens and it hurts because sometimes the skin pulls off deep.Deeper than I had intended.But I don’t stop. I keep peeling.Even though it really hurts.Ev…

SPOILER ALERT!

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Hi Everybody.

Here is a new lil' book of mine out in the world.  It's called, "Spoiler Alert" because it ruins four movies for you; The Martian, Crimson Peak, The Revenant and The Big Short. So, if you haven't seen any of these movies and don't want to be "spoiled" definitely don't buy this book.  Otherwise, it's only a meager $5 and and there's a man made up like a woman on the cover.

CLICKETY CLICK TO BUYETY BUY!