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Showing posts from 2016

Lemonade

Hi Casey,
I’m sorry I haven’t written in so long. I’ve been running and running since I got back from P.S. and I haven’t really stopped. Ow, my legs.  How was your Thanksgiving? I had Steaksgiving.There was lots of meat. Did I tell you this already?I don’t know. I’m old and befuddled. How’s T.F.P. coming? (avoiding releasing any spoilers)I’m feeling good about what I’m doing with M. I have some goals. I feel I am working towards meeting them. Maybe 2017 will be the year I finish my novel. AGAIN. No. It WILL be the year I finish my novel.AND sell it. MOTHERFUCKER.
I’m trying to figure out if all this fat on my stomach is a baby or not. I squeeze it and it seems pretty solidly fat.No room for an infant.Time will tell, I guess.It could be that I’m just waiting around to discover I’m simply overweight.I guess I will ‘do better’ with my body starting soon. New year, new beginnings, and what not.Cliché, but hey.
Well, it’s the end times of a not great year now, isn’t it?Your marriage was a…

STRONGLY WORDED LETTER

Hey God,

Sorry so disrespectful on the salutation, but I have a bone to pick with you. I've been putting up with this menstruation nonsense for way too long and it got me thinking on how you FUCKED US WOMEN OVER on this shit!  I mean, I've been bleeding for about three decades, every month for 5-7 days....OUT OF MY VAGINA...mind you!  That's no joke. Do you know how many pairs of panties that have been ruined due to this 'monthly gift' you gave to us?  Well, I don't have an exact number but I feel you owe me at least $4,000.  BUT THAT'S NEITHER HERE NOR THERE!  What I want to do right now is request a CHANGE ORDER on how you construct our female reproductive organal system.

Here's what needs to go down:

You've got this shit all fucking backwards.  It makes me think you hate women. I don't like to believe this but after the period revelation I had this week now I think maybe it's true.  The way you need to make periods is to UNMAKE THE FUCKIN…

Everything I Don't Write Is Full of So Much I Can't Say

I am addicted to cold brew coffee.
I am not wearing this like a badge. I’m just telling you what has recently developed in my life. 
The funny thing is, I had my first cold brew last week and haven’t stopped since.  Cold brew coffee and half n half, no sweetener.  It’s bomb.  So much so, that three days this week I had TWO of them in one day.  Not a good idea, but it was fun while it was happening.  It’s like drugs without drugs. (   I’ve been needing drugs lately.) I even bought a cheap cold-brew ‘system’ which is basically a pitcher with a coffee filter dropped into the middle of it.  I made it for the first time last night. Poured it into my gullet this morning.  So good.
I think this is better than the vodka addiction I usually have.  So, trading up…. (?)



I look forward to weekends now.  I mean, I guess I always did, but now it’s a big red balloon.  It fills and rises first thing Monday morning; what can I do this weekend that will make me have something to look forward to?  What sort…

Dark Fucking Wizard

I wrote a thing for DFW and here it is

Looking For Meaning In Quiet Moments

There’s a squirrel that has been terrorizing my dogs for the past few years. I’m assuming it’s the same squirrel but maybe it’s different squirrels but whatever the case, they all do the same thing;run along my back fence over to the telephone pole and while my dogs bark at them.Typically, after the squirrel hits the pole, they stay there, upside down, just out of reach of the dog until they drive the dog sufficiently crazy and then they will just run up the pole and down the wire to probably terrorize the next backyard pooch.
(I say ‘dogs’ but really I mean ‘dog’.But one dog dies, I get another dog, squirrel continues terrorizing.)
I was outside reading over the weekend and here comes the squirrel.I eyeball it and it ignores me, runs along my fence going west, up the pole, over the wire on his little squirrely way.
About 15 minutes later I see him scrambling back but this time he has a huge dark ‘rock’ in his mouth. I was like, wtf.That can’t be a rock.How is he holding a rock in h…

Writing Like a "Normal Person"

Yesterday I had a “work lunch” in a restaurant like a normal person.I ordered a Cobb Salad but this was a ‘fancy style’ one and it had steak and balsamic vinaigrette. Balsamic vinaigrette seems wrong to put on a Cobb salad so I decided to swap it out for Bleu Cheese dressing so when the lady took my order I said, ‘Oh, and can I have a side of Bleu cheese please?”She said yes and I felt happy about my forthcoming lunch and continued talking with my boss and coworkers like a normal person.
My salad came and it looked nice.Then the lady set down a little silver container of Bleu cheese crumbles.Hmph, I thought, staring at the little silver container of Bleu cheese crumbles while the rest of the plates were placed on the table.It was then I realized that I hadn’t quite made myself clear when asking for a side of “Bleu Cheese”.In my head, I felt I’d implied the dressing ‘swap’ from Balsamic vinaigrette to Bleu cheese but if I put myself on the receiving end of our exchange, I realized tha…

What Is Happening?

The proudest moment I had yesterday was not eating tortilla chips at a Mexican restaurant.  OR a margarita.

After much review and reflection, I decided the decor of the Mexican restaurant was "underwater cavern".  It was a Pokestop so I set up a lure and caught a bunch of bullshit Pokemon like Ekans, Rattatta and Pidgeys. Fucking ripoff.

Yesterday was a victory because I spent most of it with a young person who is hard to get a hold of. I savored every minute.  Small victories.

Also, in a huge moment of irony, I took too much MCT oil yesterday and spent literally ALL DAY with poop soup.  What a fucking idiot.


Quick Story

I'm on this no carb diet thing and I'm being really good, drinking tons of water, exercising, meal-prepping, etc.  Part of the eating a better me routine is MCT oil. I put it in my coffee.  I used to do MCT oil a ways back but I ran out and didn't replenish but it made me not so hungry in the mornings so I bought some off Amazon and "started back into it."

Part of the MCT oil thing is–-if your body isn't used to it--it gives you really urgent diarrhea.  You have to start off with small amounts and then slowly increase it so you don't get the shits.

Last weekend I had to go to a wedding.  I had too much MCT oil in the morning and got the urgent shits.  Pretty much it comes out as pure liquid, like you're peeing out your butt.  I was home most of the morning so it was fine but it was a strong reminder to go easier on the MCT oil moving forward.

I got ready for the wedding at around 1.  I took a shower, put on my makeup, did my hair, squeezed into my Spa…

Still Wanting Cake

Last night I ate a piece of ice cream cake using only my hands.It felt phenomenal and shameful at the same time.
Afterwards it just felt shameful, sort of like how I usually feel after masturbating to gangbang porn.
My friend Otto texted me tonight and asked how I am.I tell him I think I’m depressed, and give him the cake story as some sort of proof.