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Showing posts from 2015

Obligatory End of Year Blog Post That's Pretty Weak But Oh Well So Am I

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The days after Christmas.Every year I feel bad for the garbage men.I always imagine it’s their most despised time of year.I wonder if it turns them off to the holiday, in general.Driving house to house picking up bin after bin after bin filled with the bones and gristle of Christmas Day.Maybe even despising or being envious of those houses with discarded boxes of expensive brands, gadgets, toys.Maybe things they wanted for their loved ones but couldn’t get.I don’t know.I just feel bad for their extra workload, I guess.Plus, everything’s just a little bit sadder after Christmas, right?



I proudly boast how low-maintenance I am.How I wear out shoes, purses, belts, jeans, underwear until they’re literally falling apart.How I don’t seek out or really want expensive jewelry.Well, expensive ANYTHING.I spend so little money on things for myself you’d think I was on food stamps or something.I chalk it up to ‘hating shopping’ (which I do) and ‘being broke,’ which I’m not (mostly), I just alway…

Salted Caramel Macaroons. To Go Containers.

Inside a sweeping cursive.That is where I am. That is where I will go, boozy and numb.The dark and expansive red, trying to make itself mean something.I ride its loop.I am a fucking surfer.My hang ten. My cutback. My big dick scraping that board, chafing. Poor dick tip all red and sore.Put your tongue to it. Little lappings. “Poor baby. Make it all better.” Use those words.Mean them. Lap some more.
I cup my hand around you.A baby bird.I graze your cheeks with my thumb.“Why do you love me, baby bird? Why do you love me—a carcass?”
It’s in a blanket fort, except circus tent sized, except smaller, except more cave-like, except not dank, except soft, except light filtering through, except hidden, except lukewarm but trying to reach 75 degrees, except more quite except for small talk except for breathing, except for the sound hands on skin make, except in the forest, except no animals, except no wind, except its own growing entity, except nervous but not confident, except in a way it want…

MOVIE REVIEW: Crimson Peak

Crimson Peak is a movie I wanted to watch last night and so I did.It started at 5:25 so I had to sneak out of work ten minutes early so I could speed to the theater and get there in enough time to park and then get to my seat.
I barely made it.
I really should’ve anticipated LA traffic on a Friday and left 15 minutes early instead of just 10 minutes early.I almost got into four car accidents rushing to be on time to see this movie.It was pretty scary.But I made it there safely!
SPOILER ALERTS!
Crimson Peak is a movie about a giant English mansion that is set on a high peak.The peak is crimson.Hence, Crimson Peak.Clever!
The peak is only crimson when it snows.Turns out the peak is made of solid blood and when the blood gets cold it turns red and starts seeping out into the snow so the snow looks all bloody.It is ‘snow-activated blood earth’, basically.You don’t find this out until halfway through the movie so I’m saving you time right now.
The mansion’s name in this movie is Adderall,…

Movie Review: The Martian

SPOILER ALERT
I watched “The Martian” last night.I watched it at a theater I’ve gone to for 20 decades and for the first time they were checking people’s bags for firearms. MERICUH!Good job everyone!Go to church wearing your “Sandy Hook Was Just a Speed Bump” t-shirt and high-five your God cuz ‘that no good Muslim Obama ain’t gonna take your guns away.’On Monday you can watch the live feed of the next school shooting while eating popcorn and washing it down with holy water.Winning is great, right?
The Martian is chock full of Matt Damon.If you are a big MD fan, this movie is for you! If you have any Matt Damon issues, you should probably not go see this movie.I don’t have a lot of MD issues, so I was fine.Except the lady sitting in front of me was coated in an old lady perfume casing and the smell wouldn’t dissipate. I had some issues there.
Spoiler Alert. (Saying it again in case you missed it)
The movie starts on Mars.Mars looks like an endless desert. It looks like Mad Max Fury Ro…

When A Heart Comes To Save You

When a heart comes to save you, splay yourself as if dead.Relax your body like the edges of a wound.Look into its eyes.See what saving looks like.
Look until you are sure you will never forget.
Then look some more.
When the heart lowers its rope, don’t be nervous.It’s not a noose. The noose is already around your neck, long familiar, like a middle-school tattoo.This is a saving rope. It’s here to take its place.
Put the rope round you, like the heart asks.Coil its length around yourself, all the parts worth saving, which—as the heart says—is every bit of you.Even the ugly.Even the gross.Wrap it round you until it’s become your skin.Until breaths come barely and difficult.
When the heart begins its lift, trust.You will fight at first, and this is expected.The heart knows this and holds strong against your squirm.Even as days pass. Even as months.The heart lets you beat your head against the stones because it knows this is what you need to do before the saving can come.The heart knows …