This week was supposed to be a ‘fresh start’ but it began by being a ‘rotten start’ because my fridge stopped working and all the things in the fridge melted and rotted and I had to throw them away soggy and wet. It was like trashing dollar bills.
You don’t realize how vital your refrigerator is until you don’t have it. It is where you get ice to cool your drinks and it is where you get cold, filtered water. It is where you keep your produce and dairy items and meat items. When you go work out and you come home sweaty and dying for some cool refreshment it is no bueno drinking a glass of cool tap water, let me tell you!. It is like a kick in the balls. I dare you to try it. Nobody will do this. It’s the opposite of sanity.
I tried to salvage some things like eggs, tortillas, bacon and beer (important) by putting them into a cooler with ice. Outside of the beer, everything got really soggy and every time I ate an egg I wondered if I would get sick. I googled things about “room-temperature freshness”. I ate cans of soup for lunch but I only had two, so the other two days I scrambled some eggs with Spam. I didn’t get sick, but I also didn’t have any ketchup or Sriracha to put on the concoction because those “died in the fire.”
At work we have the “stairs of death.” They are made of marble and I always knew I would fall on them one day. Thursday was that day. “Luckily” I fell up the stairs and not down them. My right knee took the brunt. It has two areas of blackness now; the area under my knee has a fist sized bruise and on the top right of my knee there is a bruise that is deceptively small-shaped like an arrowhead. The small-shaped bruise is the hurtiest. Even when I was doing nothing it hurted. Today it felts better. I said ‘felts better’ on purpose. That’s not a typo. I wanted to say it that way because I like how that sounds right now. Right at this moment. “Felts better”
My work doesn’t have any ice packs.
Then, yesterday at 4:30 when I was at work I sat down at my desk and my pants split. I heard a truly comical ‘pants ripping’ sound in tandem with me sitting on my chair. I smiled. I reached under my ass and felt my underwear-clad ass cheek. I smiled and sort of silently laughed to myself. From what I could feel, my pants had ripped from the bottom of my right ass cheek, up alongside my right pants pocket, to almost the waistband of my jeans. My officemate noticed my weird facial expression and started asking me “What?” What?!” and I told her and it became a ‘hubub’ and word spread about my humorous predicament and it was pretty funny if I do say so myself.
I wrapped a spare sweater I keep at the office around my waist as soon as it turned five oclock.
I came home and the house was hot. This whole week it’s been hot. It’s been an emotional week with lots of heart-turmoil for various things but mostly one thing. It’s like my heart took up crossfit and now it’s all ‘brainwashed in the cult of crossfit’ and I’m like, ‘when did I sign up for this?!?!’ and my heart is all, ‘you were always enrolled but the classes didn’t start until mid-year’ and I’m like, ‘fuucckkk this sucks, but THESE ABS THO!” So last night, when I came home, all I wanted for my sore kneeheart and hotsweat face and exposedasscheek was a super cold dark beer beverage. I felt ‘owed’ this beverage. I felt I ‘deserved’ such a beverage. But in my current world, what you feel you should get and what you want is not exactly what you are going to get.
And, as apropos, I didn’t.